Hello folks, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today I am impatient to return to the ever-charming, frequently preposterous adventures of our dubious witch Doremi, as she and her companions struggle to raise their witch baby. When we last left off, they’d managed to stumble their way through a frankly embarrassingly witch baby health inspection, wherein our girls’ thoughtful, well-intentioned focus on Hana’s health and comfort earned them a bye instead of an actual pass. Frankly, I’m beginning to question Majo Heart’s credentials as a witch baby health inspector, if this is the sort of performance we can expect from her proctoring.
To be entirely honest though, I’m actually quite happy to see the team fail, as that likely means we’ll be indulging in even more Witch World adventures soon. It’s always nice seeing this production team stretch their design muscles for the outright fantasy sequences – though of course, Doremi’s greatest triumphs tend to fall more on the personal, mundane side, illustrating the difficult emotional trials of life, and the “magic” that is our ability to find solace and understanding in the people we love. Let’s see what sort of adventure awaits as we return to Ojamajo Doremi!
Episode 13
We open on Majo Rika in strange ceremonial garb, challenging Doremi with the question at the heart of all things: “which would you choose, a fabulous boyfriend or a huge steak?” Trust Doremi to strike so accurately at the fundamental questions of life
And of course, Doremi goes with the steak. Boyfriends come and go, but steak is forever
Ah, these character designs are so damn good. Every time I return to Doremi, this OP reminds me of the absurd energy and personality of Yoshihiko Umakoshi’s characters
Apparently Majo Rika is taking the girls to Tohoku for Golden Week. Tohoku is the northernmost portion of Japan’s main island, and isn’t necessarily the most obvious vacation destination – it’s very mountainous with a low central basin, so it’s less focused on coastal trade than most of the nation, with lots of farming
Our in-show explanation for this choice is that Onpu has a concert in Tohoku. Onpu’s career could facilitate a trip to basically anywhere, so clearly someone on the staff had a specifically Tohoku-appropriate episode concept
Always appreciate how Aiko’s accent comes out more when she’s angry, a nice character-building flourish. One generally useful exercise when trying to sculpt your own characters is to consider them in a variety of extreme hypothetical situations, and explore what specific aspects of their personality are highlighted or celebrated by those situations. If your characters act the same regardless of circumstances, they’re not really dynamic or multifaceted people
Ah, I see. Majo Rika is on the hunt for hot springs, another Tohoku highlight
“We already know what’s up.” Love Doremi’s utter confidence in her minimal intelligence
Excellent faces right from the start as Doremi interrogates Ruka
“Doremi Becomes A Bride?”
Oh my god, these idiots. They need to get permission from Doremi’s parents to allow her on the trip, so of course they decide the only logical plan is to have Hadzuki and Aiko magic themselves into adult chaperone form. And of course, they’ve done this so many times that Hadzuki’s complaint is not that they’re being deceitful and reckless, but that she’s tired of playing the dad during these charades
Having watched basically all of Sailor Moon since my last Doremi viewing, I appreciate how having our “magical girl heroes” be self-absorbed, shortsighted, and petty is basically genre tradition. It’s a shame how the genre is perceived as specifically for girls – personally, it feels like these stories are a lot more universal than shonen manga, which is more often seen as the “default” adolescent genre
Aiko is worryingly good at pretending to be Doremi’s adult boss. Another flourish of characterization that feels appropriate for her – given her home circumstances, she’s had to grow up and act like an adult far more than your average child her age
More excellent expressions as Doremi’s dad reveals his plans to go fly-fishing, sparking an immediate argument. This show is good about demonstrating a wide variety of home lives; as is common in children’s animation, it’s more willing to acknowledge the presence and influence of parents’ in its characters lives than the rebellious, insular ethos of adolescent manga, which often prioritize flattering their readers’ desire for independence from their family
One thing I respect about My Hero Academia is that it bucks this trend, keeping the home lives of its young heroes relevant, and demonstrating how their personalities and values were shaped by their parents
A lovely montage sees the girls entertaining Hana-chan on the highway while Majo Rika gets sloshed on wine
Damn! Onpu saying her concert was at a farm had me expecting a humble setup, but they’ve put together a massive stage for her out here in the boonies
Apparently her backing band got stuck in traffic, meaning there’s only one solution: the ojamajos are joining the band. This show is so generous
I sorta figured they’d be transforming their looks or at least putting on band costumes, but nope, they’re just playing their hearts out in their actual witch uniforms. Our heroes perpetually playing fast and loose with that “no one can know you’re witches” directive
As expected, we’ve got Aiko on drums, Hadzuki on piano, and Doremi on guitar. I have to assume Doremi isn’t actually plugged in
The production team’s Onpu bias is very understandable. Undoubtedly the most fun kind of magical girl is “magical girl who sucks,” and while Doremi’s clumsiness and idiocy are pretty good, Onpu’s narcissism is even more charming. It’s the same reason Minako episodes were frequently Sailor Moon highlights, like when she was attempting to carry on simultaneous dates with the season’s two villains
Our prospective “fabulous boyfriend” from the cold open is briefly witnessed in the crowd, flanked by his exceedingly cowboy-themed parents
Onpu makes sure to shout out the Maho-dou merch table. She’s truly a pro
But enough work, we’re here for the important part – the post-performance cookout!
Onpu then introduces the cowpoke couple, Osawa-san and his preposterously American-signifier-laden wife. Blonde hair, freckles, bright red lipstick, Daisy Duke-style tied-off shirt and shorts, and a cowboy hat on her back, plus she greets our girls with a loud “Very exciting!” Anime is rarely quiet about its opinions on Americans
Meanwhile, Doremi is off stuffing her face and lamenting the lack of steak, before she is literally lassoed into the arms of our prospective fabulous boyfriend
Oh my god, these glamour shots showing off his sparkling eyes. Will Doremi truly find her home on the range?
He introduces himself as Sebastian, and has what I presume is a thick Tohoku accent, which results in him adding a lot of “aah” sounds to the end of his phrasings
Doremi learns his family has a thousand cows, and immediately starts to math that out into steaks
Sebastian is apparently just as smitten as Doremi for once, and proposes that they raise ten times as many cows together in the future
Doremi’s friends are less enthusiastic about her fourth grade marriage proposal
The animators are having way too much fun with Sebastian’s exuberant half-American ways. Lovely rendition of The Scream as he realizes Hana is a girl, alongside a preposterous “Oh my god!”
Sebastian invites the whole crew to spend the night at his luxurious farm estate
And they awaken to a perfect Hadzuki face, combining cat eyes and a mouth-Hadzuki as she realizes Hana is crawling on a high balcony
Doremi has already embraced the cowpoke life, and even has her own pitchfork and everything. I’d say Doremi is vastly underestimating the labor involved in owning a farm, but really, considering how many cows this ranch owns, I imagine all the actual work will be done by hired hands. So yes, I could indeed imagine Doremi thriving as an antebellum ranch heiress
Doremi reveals she actually started working at 5 AM. I suppose the power of true love (and steak) can transform anyone
Next we have Onpu… serving as commentator for her own rodeo tournament? The life of a Japanese idol is fascinating indeed
And Aiko wins! Take that, Sebastian
Oh no, Sebastian is a player! He’s actually proposed to every one of our magical girls! We can’t have you fraternizing with these Tohoku playboys, Doremi!
Meanwhile, Sebastian’s mom just over-enunciates everything, typical for someone who’s still picking up the language. She manages to convince Doremi not to break up the engagement, because Doremi is a sucker
It’s up to Sebastian himself to provide a real reason to abandon him: the fact that these are all milk cows, meaning none of them will be used for steak. Four-timing husbands Doremi can deal with, but cows that don’t become steak are a bridge too far
Love that we immediately transition from Doremi’s love woes to Hana being almost trampled by a herd of cows. The ojamajos live strange and exciting lives
When the girls attempt to cast a “Save Hana-chan” spell, Magical Stage teleports Doremi directly in front of the stampeding cows. Magical Stage apparently has a demented sense of humor
Sadly, this stampede incident shatters Doremi’s love affair with cows, and thus with Sebastian as well. Still, there must be a steak-bearing boy out there for you somewhere, Doremi
And Done
Ah, delightful. Well, we didn’t stick around in the witch world, but this episode nonetheless offered a surreal procession of ridiculous attractions, from the absurdity of Hadzuki and Aiko playing at parents to the calamitous junction of true love and dairy cows. And in the end, it was Doremi herself who proved heartbreaker, with her passion for cows in their seared and seasoned arrangement driving an impassable rift between herself and the gallant Sebastian. Great faces, goofy conflicts, and a stampede of cows bullying our poor heroine – all in a day’s work for Ojamajo Doremi!
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